I am sad tonight.  I am not sure why.  I am listening to music that is conjuring up feelings of sorrow.  Sadness is something, that as a culture, we often repress.  Repress with drugs, alcohol, food.  We ignore, or we quickly find something else to think about.  No one wants to feel sadness.

I experience sadness in the back of my throat, and it often pulses down towards my middle.  My stomach tenses with intensity.  My eyes burn with tears.  My head can by dizzy, and for a moment, I wonder if I will ever be happy again.  This is my real sadness.  This is the sadness that ignites in the depth of my being.  It is a pain that I have only truly felt maybe 3 times in my life.  The 3 times all involved the death of someone.  A person I had known a while, a person I barely knew, and a part of me that needed to die.

I invite you to feel the sadness.  Don’t push it away, for what is behind the sadness?  You won’t know, unless you push through.  Through our quiet teardrops, or our screams of rage, the walls cannot break without pure feeling.  Mourn the wall, but let it break.  There is a new dawn on the other side.

I want the new dawn.  I will relish in the sadness tonight, the darkness.  I have faith that my wall is still coming down.  There is something I am beginning to ravish in, and I need it now.  I crave it.  But for now, I weep.